Jan. 11th, 2012

This trip back east has felt surreal.

I came here looking for answers this time. I've had a lot of thoughts in my head about starting a family within the next five years, and it only seemed natural to reconnect with my roots - my family and oldest friends.

I don't know exactly what I've found yet. The overwhelming feeling is one of retracing a very worn path. It's comfortable; I can slip back into it easily. The stores on Jamaica Avenue have changed somewhat, but the neighborhood is, overall, the same place I left. I still know which direction to go to catch a train or make a transfer. Everything is the same with slight variations. It truly does feel like going back in time; it is only me that has really changed.

I'm glad that I moved to California. I'm glad that I've experienced multiple places and ways of moving in the world. This trip makes me appreciate that more. I am happy to lengthen my connection with my roots in order to not feel tethered by them. I worried about being so far away from family, and I'll admit that I still hate that long flight... but the solution is to make more money and be able to travel more frequently, and perhaps in a manner not so odious to me. Or, hell, I may end up back on the east coast again someday, but I don't think it will be here. Not because Queens is necessarily a bad place, but because I've worn this path already, and I'd rather walk new ones.

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walkinginthenight

April 2013

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