Jan. 2nd, 2013

God, I can barely remember how to do a cut.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

- Went to Gender Odyssey, a trans-focused conference in Seattle.
- Drove to Seattle, seeing Portland, Eugene, Eureka, Salem, and a ton of little towns in between.
- Camped in a redwood forest.
- Went to NOLOSE.
- Stayed in a yurt.
- Worked as a manager in retail sales. (I've managed before, and briefly worked sales before, but never in combination. It's a hopefully temporary staffing solution.)
- Joined a gym.

1b. What did you do in 2012 that you hadn't done in a long time?

- Went swimming

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My resolutions from last year, now that I've gone back and checked, were rather vague, yet important. They were to see what I've been holding myself back from, to try new things and to get a better handle on the strong baby urges I've been having.
I don't feel like I made definitive progress, although I have confirmed that yes, I still do want kids, and no, I'm not nearly ready for them yet. I tried some new things and have done more socializing, and I feel like this coming year will be a continuation of that path with some classes thrown in so I can feel like I'm making forward progress.

As for next year's - I was part of some "group-o-lutions" at my friends' new year's party to a)throw out underwear that doesn't fit right, and b)wear more tiaras. I intend to do both. I am also doubling down on last year's unspoken resolution, which is to not work in retail anymore. I may not be able to fully sever the cord yet, but if I'm going to school and on the road doing something different by the end of the year, I'll consider that progress.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My friend Marla gave birth to twins in February; I met them this week for the first time (I'm making my annual visit to NYC) and OH MY GOD the cuteness. They are 11 months and precisely at that age when they are into interacting and exploring the world around them, but aren't really verbal. They have two older siblings, ages three and six, so we were highly encouraged to help her corral the kids, which meant I got to hold babies, walk babies around, and keep them distracted with shiny things. I loved every second of it.

4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What countries did you visit?

Just more of the USA. Washington and Oregon were brand new states for me.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Greater financial flexibility, aka pulling money from multiple sources and being able to temporarily increase cash flow as needed/wanted.
A real plan for long term financial stability.
A date that excites me.

7. What date(s) from 2012 will remain etched your memory, and why?

No particular dates, but Gender Odyssey (and it's road trip) and yurting rank up there. Apparently, I remember nature and being on the road.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I don't feel like there's anything concrete I can point to. Generally being on a trajectory toward living a healthier, more conscious life?

9. What was your biggest failure?

Again, nothing huge and concrete. I would probably say that the general balance of inertia versus measured change was less than desirable this year, so perhaps all of the little decisions that led to that?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Various minor illnesses and injuries, but overall I was healthier than last year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The trip to the Pacific Northwest. As for an object... I am pretty jazzed about the Ikea bed that I bought with a year's worth of saved coins.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Other than rent, food. While progress has been made, this really needs to change.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Pacific Northwest roadtrip, various parties and gatherings.

14. What song(s) will always remind you of 2012?

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. richer or poorer? Richer, in the sense that I have continued to both chip away at student loans and pay into my 401k. So on a macro level, I'm richer. Day to day feels the same.

ii. fatter or thinner? thinner, but with more muscle.

iii. happier or sadder? Both. I am letting my emotions back out of the cave I threw them into somewhere around 2008, so I am feeling more highs and lows.

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Saving money. Learning. Positive sexing.

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Whittled away hours on the internet.

18. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

Working right up until 5:00pm on Christmas, but then it got awesome. I saw the Gay Men's Chorus sold out show with F, JM, W and C, and then came home and hung out with Alex and JR (who was in town). We had the bestest Christmas morning ever with cartoons, a full breakfast and cookies, and then spent the evening at our dear friends' house. A good time was had by all.

19. Did you fall in love in 2012?

No, but that's okay. I focused on friends and being more sociable, which has boosted confidence in many ways.

20. How many one-night stands?

One. And for once, I mostly didn't regret it.

21. What was your favorite TV program?

I watched less TV this year, but Mythbusters has been my go-to show this year for relaxing at the end of a long day.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No, no hatred.

23. What was the best book you read?

I read a lot of great books and am horrible with names. Sherman Alexie's lastest novel is one. I also enjoyed Mistakes were Made (but not by me), Good Germs, Bad Germs, and a bunch of other social science-y or science-y type books.

24. What was/were your greatest musical discoveries?

Pandora? I really enjoyed that song by "Sin the Shark." Oh, if only I were filling this out at home, where names of random Pandora songs that I really liked are scrawled across my whiteboard so I remember to buy them when I have the money!

25. What did you want and get?

- Electoral results that mostly aligned with my wishes. (Sadface, Measure B1. :( )
- More socializing
- A slightly better wardrobe

26. What did you want and not get?

- A new bike with gears, but that may happen early this year.
- A non-retail job.
- A pony. (Okay, not really.)

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

Have I even seen a movie in a theater this year? Maybe not. I am going to see Les Mis in two days, but that will count as 2013. I'm sure I watched a lot of films on Netflix last winter, but that's like a lifetime away.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 31. Alex took me out to brunch, and then I rode my bike all over the place and visited people.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Feeling like something large and tangible had changed? Lots of good little things happened that will have ripple effects going forward, but I feel like nothing large moved.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

More purple and better fitting clothing.

31. What kept you sane?

My home. Alex. Long bike rides. Sweating it out at the gym. Having getaways to look forward to throughout the year.

32. Whom did you miss?

- Various departed members of my family
- My NYC friends, who I do not have to miss this week!

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:

- I think it was finally being able to get above the level of my head funk when my annual seasonal depression kicked in and tackle it as a biological phenomenon instead of a personal failing. I was only in it a few weeks this time when everything clicked. Journaling helped, because I was able to pinpoint the time of year, realize that the lack of light outside was responsible for the vast majority of my shift in attitude, and put together a plan to get through it, which was as follows:
a) Get back to taking my daily fish oil pills
b) Take some Vitamin D.
c) Work out when possible, but treat working out as a treat to raise my dopamine/body heat levels, and not as an obligation.
d) Not allow myself to descend into a deadly cycle of eating processed crap food because I had no energy to cook, which would therefore lower my energy level even further.
e) Have lowered expectations of my energy levels and not beat myself up over them; I will naturally want to go out and tackle the world when spring hits, but now is the time to catch up on fabulous documentaries and play board games with friends.



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